There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
