I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
