I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I would fuck him just for his dog
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