I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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