what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
