This gyro tastes like lonliness
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
