just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
