I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
