You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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