It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
