we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
