Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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