Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
