Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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