there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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