I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
