from now on my penis is your penis
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
