I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
