she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
