the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
