Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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