Cold hands, warm shart.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
