you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
