dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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