She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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