Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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