sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
