I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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