dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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