My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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