Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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