I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
