So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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