I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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