Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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