The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
this just has baby written all over it
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
