I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
