this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
