they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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