No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
