I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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