we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
