it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize