She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
