Whoa Z and x make the same sound
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
