At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
my liver is dry heaving
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
