I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
