I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Let's paint friendship bongs
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
