yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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