JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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