oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
