I am full of burrito and curiosity
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
