He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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