They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
