booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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