Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
