I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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