marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
