There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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