So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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