We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
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I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
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This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
this is an emotional support booty call
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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