Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
