This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
