I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
