I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
