Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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