Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Your penis caused this!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
