I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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