you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
