I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you win again, gameday.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
