Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
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You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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