is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
