Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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